Sara @ Moonrize

I always feel like Christmas is the end of the year. I feel like making my resolutions now (as I eat chocolate and contemplate a pizza for lunch! lol) and starting to move forward. Maybe I just feel like that because I want to get a jump on the rest of the world.

This year, let me tell you, has been HARD. Really really hard. I started to make a Christmas letter and decided that it would send people (or maybe just me) into depression. December last year I was in the middle of “operation save the school”. This was a LOT of hard work but at least there were things to DO. I was able to try and help rather than sit and watch it crumble – that came later. However, I was also in the middle of “operation loose my best friend”. That sucked – bad. I cried and cried and cried for MONTHS about that. Thank god I had Cari sue and Jennifer Sharp to help me through it. And I had my wonderful husband. In hind sight…it was good. We needed to break those ties to some people who maybe didn’t bring out the best in us? It also MADE Gary and I rely on each other more and we are closer for it. It also made me examine my relationship with God and my beliefs. It really shook me, this break and the reasons for it, and now i’m sure of where I stand and who I am. And if I ever feel that i’m not sure….I drop to my knee’s and talk it out.

March was the death of my brother in law. I wasn’t really close to him but he was my nephews father and my heart broke for him. Gary and I went to Montana which started the real hard push for my mom to move out to the pacific northwest. She just couldn’t continue to live out there with no kids near her. She was not capable of making and implementing this decision on her own so I knew I was looking at a lot of work but felt up to the task.

Spring brought the final nails in the coffin that was Heritage Christian School. Its a funny thing to watch (and by funny, I don’t mean Ha ha) people being put in an insecure place. I like to think that I am a good observer. During the HCS stuff, I was a worker…but an observer more. I got to observe the dynamic between the teachers / parents / students and Board of Trustee’s. I was able to help a bit, I think, and that felt good but more than that, I was able to learn. I learned a lot about the nature of people this last year and not necessarily in a bad way. Some people have this amazing grace and trust that the Lord will guide them and take care of them – in the middle of all this madness we call every day life. Some people get angry and / or negative to everything. They become unable to see the small blessings. Its almost as if they become paralyzed with the fear and just find themselves unable to move around it. Some people are very good at self protection (using humor and or tears to work though whatever life is handing them) and some are not as good at “rollin’ with the homies” (that one’s for you, Britney. RIP). I hope that I was able to learn and implement what I liked from that situation – and turns out God knew i’d have a tough year and let me learn this lesson before things got really bad.

In June HCS closed but the BOT needed me to stay. This was hard. To walk into a building each day that was basically a graveyard of hopes and dreams. At this point, I was being paid again – an hourly wage – but still didn’t have the previous month and a half of wages. This took a lot of faith because I never knew if I was going to get paid for that week. Plus, it was hurtful because a lot of people who I consider friends hadn’t received anything. In addition, I had to try to justify to my husband the fact that I was still working for someone whom owed me 6 weeks pay. Personally, I felt that there were somethings that needed to be done and wouldn’t get done if I didn’t stay. Once those were done, I left and started the unemployment fun! The silver lining of this part of life was that I’ve discovered what I want to do with my life – nursing – and it would have never been something I would have picked. That was discovered from a lot of prayer, having a lot of time on my hands, and my work at HCS. So now I have a goal and a focus and a belief that its right. That feels good.

The summer had lots of fun and hard work. Moving my mom out, the final champoeg, road trips with my sissy. Road trips with the nieces and my husband. Let me tell you, this was one of the best summers ever. Wow, funny, I forgot that. it was so crazy, I forgot how FUN it was. We really did have a great summer.

October was the “incident” that tore my bio family (mom’s side) apart and changed my life forever. I’m trusting in the Lord to help recover this daily. The positives in this incident were – 1.) My husband. wow. he loves me SO much. 2.) My friends. They are good friends that i’m so lucky to have. 3.) God’s grace. I could have had quite a different outcome and I’ve been carried through hell in the arms of God. I truly understand what it is to thank God for every day.

October was also the start of school. A lot of new things… strengths I didn’t know I had and strengths I thought I had that had gone missing! What a learning curve. And what FUN. I love school…i love what i’m studying and I love the anticipation of a wonderful carer.

November and December have been a decision to TOTALLY CHANGE OUR LIFE. But for the good of family, so that’s okay. Highly stressful, but worth it in the end. I think it might also be bringing the healing needed – on my part anyway – to have a relationship with my mom.

so…in summary – thank GOD 2009 is over, bring on 2010. which, btw, I will say in the TWENTY TEN fashion. This year will be a year of constant change, i’m sure. I will continue with school and learning. Plus remodeling a house. Plus moving. Plus loving on and caring for a sick parent. Plus maybe getting a job again. Plus the ever present losing weight and possibly doing the 1/2 iron. Plus being a good friend. Plus being a good sister. Plus being a good wife. Plus finding ways to show my husband how much I love him and how grateful I am for him. Plus growing in my relationship to my God. Plus giving more to others. Plus communicating with those I love who are far away. Plus loving my dog. Plus taking more pictures. Plus washing my face more.

Okay, I need a nap.

Dear Craigslist,

Please up date your “best of” section. Some of us are out of school and need some random wittiness to click upon in between frantic sessions of baking cookies.

Also, please add a section just for cute pictures of Chihuahua’s.

Thanks so much,
S

Gary’s dad is not well.  He is going into renal failure (will most likely be on dialysis in the next 6-12 months). His mom is in her late 60’s and is still working with no real viable plan to stop working.  We have recognized that we will have to supplement their income (and have been prepared to do so for several years) but with our own debt, its not a very good idea to run two houses.  Our house has stairs, and they may not always be a good option for Dad.  So….we have made a decision to buy their house and combine households.

This is not a bad thing for us, as they have a much larger lot (though much smaller house) and there are more options for building extensions and such there.   Plus, our mortgage payment will be much smaller so we will be able to save and do the extensions with cash – which is huge. Until those extensions are done though, we will have 4 people in 1000 square feet of room.  That’s a little scary.

The decision came when we made a list of pro’s and con’s. It went something like this:

Pro – Mom can retire and look after Dad.

Pro – We can stay on top of Dad’s appointments and ADL’s – helping where needed.
Pro – We will owe way less on the 7th ave house than the Albertine house (saving money each month for repairs and add-ons).
Pro – We will be debt free (other than the house payment).
Pro – The parents might be able to relax and enjoy their final years.

Pro – The house has been in Gary’s family for decades and this is the only way to keep it.

Pro – There are a lot of options with the lot (unlike the Albertine street house).

Con – They smoke in the house and think we wont know.
Pro – They’ve promised not to do that once we start painting and cleaning.

Con – They will probably still do it when we are gone.

Con – It is an OLD house and we will have a lot of work to do.

Pro – We like doing that work.

Pro – We will have money to do it (debt free!).

CON – Until we convert the garage into a master suite (probably take a year at least) we will have 4 adults living in 1000 square feet of house!

PRO – We will be family, taking care of family.  That’s the way it should be. I love them so much and I want them to be able to count on us.

Con – When we have family in town (or friends) we wont have a place for them to stay for a while. This is a pretty big one for us.  Luckily we know about pricelining hotels but still….makes us sad. Having family and friends over is a huge thing for us. We love it.

Pro – Mom loves the dog. She calls Tiqi her Granddaughter.

Pro – We will be forced to “de-junk”. No one likes a horder.

After making the list, we saw that this is really the best option for us. We are anticipating moving in April – possibly May.  When we bought this house – the Albertine street one – we thought we were going to have a gaggle of kids and that doesn’t seem to be in the cards.  And really, we didn’t know enough about house shopping.  We were so excited that we qualified that we pretty much just ran with it.  I also think we were doing some “keeping up with the jones” and we don’t do that anymore.  It seemed most of our friends – our closest anyway – all had kids and were buying big beautiful new houses. So we did that too. It didn’t occur to us that we had a different life path.

If I had it to do over, I wouldn’t have bough a new structure on such a small lot. We might not have bought at all. We are different people than we thought we’d be by now – and I’m sure that’s a good thing. I don’t want to be those people….striving for material things that are bigger and better.   I don’t want to be judged on the size of my loft or the manicured back yard. I LIKE who we are now. I like that we are best friends who function as one. I like that our priorities are happiness and family.

I’m scared to let go of freedom.  We are making a commitment to our Parents that will last LOTS of years. And sometimes, people drive each other nuts. This decision has not been entered into lightly…but we both feel that its right.

So, pray for us, okay? a lot! and come to our many pending garage sales. We’ll be selling everything for a quarter!

xo,

Its been awhile since i’ve blogged.  So much has happen that I just dont have a lot of time to go into…i’ll wrap it up in my end of year blog, i’m sure.  Thanksgiving time always has me reflect on the gifts in my life.  Its harder this year than others…I’m dealing with a lot.

In all honesty – whatever other crap is going on – here are the things I know to be true.  And for them, I am extremely lucky and blessed.

1. I have a faith in God and Jesus.  Whatever happens in life….whatever tests or trials I face…I can rely on that faith.  Not everyone has that and I am grateful that I do because sometimes, its all that stops my mind from racing, my heart from beating out of my chest, and allows me to sleep. Sometimes…its more valuable than breathing.

2. I have a husband who would stop short of nothing to make me happy.  I know others THINK they have that, but my husband has proven it.  He has no faith that I am blessed with…but he follows God’s family plan and loves me like God loves the church.  He puts our family and me ahead of anything. He loves his family fiercely and will do anything to protect and provide. He is a man of honor and strength.  He also is a man of humor and kindness.  He makes me laugh and smile like no one i’ve ever met.  Nothing is real until i’ve shared it with him and my day isnt complete until we’ve connected.  I could not imagine my life without him.

3. My friends. wow. I have some amazing friends. Just like every other American, I go about life mostly concerned with myself.  My goal in life, from this point forth, is to be as good a friend as I have in my life.  I have trouble with the term “best friend” because i’ve got so many. I’ve had – particularly this last few months – more life changing trials than ever before.   I, when telling a select few of my trials, had friends offering to fly in from Michigan to support us.  Friends who would drive from Arizona if we needed. Friends and family that had to be physically stopped from packing the car in Medford to drive up for us.  I had friends that would cry with me, spend days listening to me with support, and spend hours on their knees praying for me.  In a time when I am 100% unsure of some of my biological family, I am 100% sure of my emotional family and my dear dear friends. From friends that have known me 2 years, to friends that have known me since 3rd grade…these people solidify my faith in my ability to trust and to love.
4. The family I trust.  You shouldn’t have to specify your family like that, right? To separate them.  Unfortunately, I have to.  I have a lot of biological family – and a good portion of them I trust and love so much.  The others, I love….but I cant trust them, with my family or my heart. I have some amazing brothers and sisters…unfortunately they all live far away. I’ve always grown up with family around me and I am missing them terribly but knowing they love unconditionally from afar is reassuring. Tonight – i’m so grateful for my in laws.  My Mother and Father in law consider me their daughter….with no hesitation.  My brother in-law’s and their kids and wife’s do too.  Its such a gift…and particularly this year…it is my life line. To know that I have a family that will protect my husband and myself – even at expense to themselves if necessary – is proof that I am right to (as the bible says), “leave thy father and mother” and make my husbands family my own.

I have so much to be thankful for – beyond the simple and amazing comforts of life (health, home, clothes, heat, food).  The trials that i’ve seen this year have made that even more true.  Some days, lately, I feel like my heart is breaking from pain…and my head is going to explode with stress.  Times are tight both financially and emotionally.  So when I feel that way, i’m going to come read this blog and remember all the gifts in my life….and i’m going to pray.

I love you guys!

I’ve had a wonderful morning! I woke up late – drank a few cups of coffee (with awesome holiday creamers!! yum!!), read some Mathew (my favorite gospel) and talked to my siblings all morning. I’m so homesick. I’m not so homesick for LA – I think. More I’m homesick for my family! I talked to Mike for an hour….Rock is pregnant again! That will be Mike’s 6th kid!!! Michael just got laid off yesterday… things are tough but he’s so not worried. It sort of humbles me. He said to me, “life’s journey IS the destination, sister”. He is trusting in the Lord.

It kind of amazes me, when you think of the stats. Maritza is laid off, Silvia got laid off (her last day is the 8th), Willie has been out of work for a while (though his wife Lisa is working), Jr. is working – thank God, Michael is laid off, David is working, Corey is working, Dee Dee is laid off, Kelly and David Downing are working, Daniel is laid off and so am I. Out of 12 – only 5 of us are working. If that isn’t a replica of the “current economic climate” I don’t know what is.

Silvia is doing okay for now…and it was nice to talk to her too. They are getting together tomorrow for a BBQ because the 29th was Daniel’s birthday and the 5th is Christian’s. I want to be there!! I want to hang out with my brothers and sisters and joke around and feel love and feel….wanted.

Monday I start school. I’m looking forward to that. I’ve really been off on my diet this week…I need to hop back in. I haven’t been going over my calorie count – except yesterday – but I have been journal-ling. I really can tell a difference when I journal. I also have not been working out as much. I need to make a workout calendar for October. I’m kind of worried about what my workout schedule is going to look like after I am spending time in school. Between working out, studying, and actually going to class…my days are going to be pretty busy. I’m sort of excited about that though…its been a while since I was that busy.

I think we are heading to Cinatopia for Zombieland! That should be fun. And it will be a Sunday so you bet your butt i’m getting popcorn.

And, if i’m going to get any calorie burn in today, I better get on it!
xo,

Yesterday was a BUSY day but fun as well.  I went to my friend Tracie’s house…her son whom I’ve known since he was 1.5 is now 10(!!!ONEONE) which means Tracie is getting SO OLD ….and spend the day with them.  It was a lot of fun, for a few reasons.  First, I always enjoy how Tracie and I can pick up where we left off. Even if we haven’t seen each other in YEARS – literally – we just start in the same place. There’s no lag…our life changes and there are details to hear, of course…but WE don’t change.  Its nice. 2nd, I *really* enjoy her family.  I adore Brendan (her kid) and her grandparents and her dad.  Her mom drives her insane, which is fun to watch (probably because I can relate?).  The third reason it was so much fun is that Brandon (her husband. Yeah, I know…its close to her son’s name. What can I say? She doesn’t do variation well) used to race road bikes. It was a million years ago…but not a whole lot changes. I was able to learn a lot from him, so that was super cool – for me.

Best part of the party? I was telling Brendan that I could brain wash him. “Just come here, Bren. I’ll show you!” He comes over and I put him in a hug hold so he cant get out of and start to tickle him a little bit. Then I make a weird moaning noise (as though I’m putting him in a trance) and say, “Aunty Sara is your favorite aunt, isn’t she Bren?” He looks at me and rolls his eyes and says, “you’ve always been my favorite aunty, duh!” And that, ladies and gentlemen, is as sappy as a 10 year old boy gets. super sweet. Made my heart contract!

So, after leaving Battleground, WA – I sped home, let the dog out, went pee, grabbed a sleeping bag and some coats, and went to pick Gary up from work.  We hopped on the freeway and drove to Cannon Beach.  It was BONFIRE night.  We got there just as the fire was picking up (which was nice, usually we are there later in the evening) and got to sit and talk with 20 of our friends over a HUGE -as always – fire.   Well, for me. Gary was super tired and mostly dozed.
Here’s the part that has me kind of freaking out…I am TOTALLY out of the closet with my bike riding and aspirations to do the half iron.  I talked about it with EVERYONE last night.  WOW. no backing out now! I really enjoy the biking and I’m SURE that 56 miles isn’t a huge deal…but coupled with the swimming and the running…WOW. Its kind of a huge deal. I know, I have 8 months or something but I just don’t know if I’m going to be able to do it!   I think its kind of that “I’m scared to say I want it in case I don’t get it” kind of thing.  I just don’t want to tell people that I couldn’t pull it off, you know?  So, maybe that will make me train harder….we’ll see.

Today, more than anything, I want to go to the gym. I know its Sunday and I swore Sundays would be my off days…I am SO SORE from yesterday’s workout that I figure if I go to the gym…it will loosen me up.   Plus, I’m kind of loving it. I’m also loving that the jeans that were so tight I thought they gave me a camel toe three months ago fall off me now.  That’s nice too!

xo

1st. Best. Lunch. Evar!  Okay, maybe not ever, but close!

I cut up 3 oz of bbq’d chicken breast and put it in a bowl. I added two cut up Roma tomatoes and a 1/4 of an avocado (or 1.5 oz – I heart my kitchen scale). I topped it off with a 1/2 of a cup of southwestern style salsa. Then I took a serving of the fiber wheat thins and used them as dipping utensils for my salad. YUMMMMMM. It was sooo good and took about 3 minutes to make (I already had the chicken cooked from last nights dinner).

Total calorie count is: 290. And if I had stopped long enough to snap a picture of it, you would see it was PRETTY too. Try it and tell me if you like it.  I thought it was SCRUMPTIOUS.

Second thing, same as the first…no, that’s not true.  It just rhymed with a song.  Number two is actually about my workout!  I read this one in a magazine and thought…WHATEVER that this is going to kick my butt.  However, I was WAY wrong.  It totally kicked my arse….and will do so more tomorrow, I’m sure.  Its called a Super Interval Workout and it was super. It is QUICK but I was dripping more sweat in 20 minutes doing this than a soldier doing laps in Iraq. I would imagine, anyway. I’ve never been a soldier in Iraq…?  I’m so digressing…here it is:

Warm up:

15 Bodyweight squats

15 Exercise-ball rollouts (I’m not very good at these.  Your suppose to use the body ball to rest the bottom of your legs on in a push up form and then ROLL the ball in (by bending your knees) and out again.  takes lots of coordination.  I just did push ups.

15 push presses with a 25lb weight (or whatever works for you)

15 back extensions.

The point is to do these AS warm ups. nothing major, no breaks and just one set.

Then comes the interval part. You can interval on whatever you want; elliptical, bike, spin bike, stair master, treadmill – whatever.  Start a slow and easy pace for three minutes, stepping it up a bit in minute two and three.   Then you are going to go ALL OUT for 30 seconds.  Balls to the wall ALL OUT.  Then recover for 90 seconds.  Then you start again with the 30 seconds of BALLS TO THE WALL.  Recover for 90.  Do that 8 times, if you can!

Then cool down with:

15 bodweight squats

15 push ups

15 horizontal pull ups (reverse push up)

I DRIPPED my way out of the gym.  Talk about kicking my butt…but it was SO quick, I totally enjoyed it. I think I sweat as much on this 20 minute cycle then 60 minutes on the stair stepper.  You may want to (depending on what you use for your interval exercise) designate a driver to get you home.  My legs are still shaking!

I’m sitting here, after two 15 + hour days of activity, thinking how tired I am.  I’ve been terrific on my calorie content…and VERY active.  At they gym for at least an hour each day.  I’ve been canning, picking berries, running errands.  I’ve been doing dishes, laundry, and planning (and cooking!) meals.  Its been great.

Here’s the weird thing. I usually have 15 hour days.  I usually get up at 6 and dont go to sleep until 11:30 or 12:00.   I’m so tired now because my body has been using more energy. Its a simple concept, but one that gets by me most of the time. Exhausted as I am, it feels good to be getting things done. I think i’m the worlds busiest unemployed person! Well, without children anyway!
I feel really good about what i’ve got accomplished this last few days. I even managed a movie with Jen S (and movie popcorn – and DIDNT go over my calorie count) which is always fun.  I really dont know what I would have done without that woman the last 6 months.  She’s so fun!  Lord she makes me laugh.

While at the gym – in the middle of my 70 minutes of cardio – Jen Taylor came in.  We are working out on Tuesday.

Tomorrow is my interview at another school. Plus Diana Pfaff will be in town, so hopefully I can get in touch with her.  Lots to do.

So, today…er…yesterday I got up at 6, picked up Gary, made us breakfast (two eggs and 4 egg whites scrambled with salsa), went to the gym (20 minutes on the stepper (I HATE that thing), 10 on the treadmill and 30 on the elliptical), Got two quotes on fixing the car, bought a stool for berry picking, picked 27 lbs of strawberries, saw Angela for chit chat and pick up Mary Kay, took a nap with Gary, did Champoeg calls to Sue, Marla, and Gretchen, took Gary to work, canned (7 jams, 9 syrup’s), Talked to mom, Jen Sharp, and Jen Taylor, did a run to winco, logged my food for the day and now i’m going to sleep.

I feel very accomplished.

I went to the gym and worked my own ass off.   YAY.  and i’ve only had about 1500 calories today, so I need more, but i’m hesitant to eat this late…so i’ll be okay until tomorrow.

Jennifer Taylor told me to stay at 1800 calories but then my doctor told me 1600.   I thought 1800 was hard. Tomorrow, i’m going to pick up Gary, bring him home, then go to the gym and work out.  When I get back, i’ll shower and then do the berry picking and the canning.

I feel more energized though that could be because I know the end of my time at HCS is happening and i’m pretty excited about that!

Life looks rather good right now.