Sara @ Moonrize

I had a dream last night….we were having a happy hour and in walked our bff’s with whom we are not – currently.  I still have hope.  We took a walk on the beach which was right outside the restaurant.  There, walking along, we aired it all out.  it was all clear, in the open and we were friends again.

It felt good.

I saw that movie “the soloist” with Jen on Friday. It really showed me something that I don’t think it was trying to. I love my house. I do. I love it more when its clean (which it has been since Thursday so that helps) but regardless, I’m GRATEFUL to have it. I spend so much time thinking of my home as an albatross around my neck. We put so much money each and every month into this house (particularly now with the upgrades we are doing) and we have zero equity and its easy to feel trapped. But we HAVE A HOME. and its beautiful.

I also have been crying constantly about the loss in our life. Its so hurtful, even after 5 months. I, at this point, have no hope of resolution (or at least a realistic one) and it kills me. However, I so easily forget what is good in my life. Jen is a God send. She makes me laugh and tells me I AM a good person. The bookclub has become such a source of joy with me…those women. Angela, Shelly and Renee from church have been so much fun to hang out with. I worry about who Gary has….but I cant fix it. I’ve tried….so i’ll just have to be what Gary has.

You know, we are making it. even with the reduction in income for us, we are paying our bills…little by little. We cant do all that we want, but we are eating and loving each other and have a wonderful home. Our health is wonderful and so far we have managed to keep our heads above water…and i’m so grateful for that.

Today will be a good day. Today, I will work for me. Today, I will be strong and remember that whatever gifts I get are gifts from God.

xo,

Sara