Sara @ Moonrize

Gary’s dad is not well.  He is going into renal failure (will most likely be on dialysis in the next 6-12 months). His mom is in her late 60’s and is still working with no real viable plan to stop working.  We have recognized that we will have to supplement their income (and have been prepared to do so for several years) but with our own debt, its not a very good idea to run two houses.  Our house has stairs, and they may not always be a good option for Dad.  So….we have made a decision to buy their house and combine households.

This is not a bad thing for us, as they have a much larger lot (though much smaller house) and there are more options for building extensions and such there.   Plus, our mortgage payment will be much smaller so we will be able to save and do the extensions with cash – which is huge. Until those extensions are done though, we will have 4 people in 1000 square feet of room.  That’s a little scary.

The decision came when we made a list of pro’s and con’s. It went something like this:

Pro – Mom can retire and look after Dad.

Pro – We can stay on top of Dad’s appointments and ADL’s – helping where needed.
Pro – We will owe way less on the 7th ave house than the Albertine house (saving money each month for repairs and add-ons).
Pro – We will be debt free (other than the house payment).
Pro – The parents might be able to relax and enjoy their final years.

Pro – The house has been in Gary’s family for decades and this is the only way to keep it.

Pro – There are a lot of options with the lot (unlike the Albertine street house).

Con – They smoke in the house and think we wont know.
Pro – They’ve promised not to do that once we start painting and cleaning.

Con – They will probably still do it when we are gone.

Con – It is an OLD house and we will have a lot of work to do.

Pro – We like doing that work.

Pro – We will have money to do it (debt free!).

CON – Until we convert the garage into a master suite (probably take a year at least) we will have 4 adults living in 1000 square feet of house!

PRO – We will be family, taking care of family.  That’s the way it should be. I love them so much and I want them to be able to count on us.

Con – When we have family in town (or friends) we wont have a place for them to stay for a while. This is a pretty big one for us.  Luckily we know about pricelining hotels but still….makes us sad. Having family and friends over is a huge thing for us. We love it.

Pro – Mom loves the dog. She calls Tiqi her Granddaughter.

Pro – We will be forced to “de-junk”. No one likes a horder.

After making the list, we saw that this is really the best option for us. We are anticipating moving in April – possibly May.  When we bought this house – the Albertine street one – we thought we were going to have a gaggle of kids and that doesn’t seem to be in the cards.  And really, we didn’t know enough about house shopping.  We were so excited that we qualified that we pretty much just ran with it.  I also think we were doing some “keeping up with the jones” and we don’t do that anymore.  It seemed most of our friends – our closest anyway – all had kids and were buying big beautiful new houses. So we did that too. It didn’t occur to us that we had a different life path.

If I had it to do over, I wouldn’t have bough a new structure on such a small lot. We might not have bought at all. We are different people than we thought we’d be by now – and I’m sure that’s a good thing. I don’t want to be those people….striving for material things that are bigger and better.   I don’t want to be judged on the size of my loft or the manicured back yard. I LIKE who we are now. I like that we are best friends who function as one. I like that our priorities are happiness and family.

I’m scared to let go of freedom.  We are making a commitment to our Parents that will last LOTS of years. And sometimes, people drive each other nuts. This decision has not been entered into lightly…but we both feel that its right.

So, pray for us, okay? a lot! and come to our many pending garage sales. We’ll be selling everything for a quarter!

xo,

Its been awhile since i’ve blogged.  So much has happen that I just dont have a lot of time to go into…i’ll wrap it up in my end of year blog, i’m sure.  Thanksgiving time always has me reflect on the gifts in my life.  Its harder this year than others…I’m dealing with a lot.

In all honesty – whatever other crap is going on – here are the things I know to be true.  And for them, I am extremely lucky and blessed.

1. I have a faith in God and Jesus.  Whatever happens in life….whatever tests or trials I face…I can rely on that faith.  Not everyone has that and I am grateful that I do because sometimes, its all that stops my mind from racing, my heart from beating out of my chest, and allows me to sleep. Sometimes…its more valuable than breathing.

2. I have a husband who would stop short of nothing to make me happy.  I know others THINK they have that, but my husband has proven it.  He has no faith that I am blessed with…but he follows God’s family plan and loves me like God loves the church.  He puts our family and me ahead of anything. He loves his family fiercely and will do anything to protect and provide. He is a man of honor and strength.  He also is a man of humor and kindness.  He makes me laugh and smile like no one i’ve ever met.  Nothing is real until i’ve shared it with him and my day isnt complete until we’ve connected.  I could not imagine my life without him.

3. My friends. wow. I have some amazing friends. Just like every other American, I go about life mostly concerned with myself.  My goal in life, from this point forth, is to be as good a friend as I have in my life.  I have trouble with the term “best friend” because i’ve got so many. I’ve had – particularly this last few months – more life changing trials than ever before.   I, when telling a select few of my trials, had friends offering to fly in from Michigan to support us.  Friends who would drive from Arizona if we needed. Friends and family that had to be physically stopped from packing the car in Medford to drive up for us.  I had friends that would cry with me, spend days listening to me with support, and spend hours on their knees praying for me.  In a time when I am 100% unsure of some of my biological family, I am 100% sure of my emotional family and my dear dear friends. From friends that have known me 2 years, to friends that have known me since 3rd grade…these people solidify my faith in my ability to trust and to love.
4. The family I trust.  You shouldn’t have to specify your family like that, right? To separate them.  Unfortunately, I have to.  I have a lot of biological family – and a good portion of them I trust and love so much.  The others, I love….but I cant trust them, with my family or my heart. I have some amazing brothers and sisters…unfortunately they all live far away. I’ve always grown up with family around me and I am missing them terribly but knowing they love unconditionally from afar is reassuring. Tonight – i’m so grateful for my in laws.  My Mother and Father in law consider me their daughter….with no hesitation.  My brother in-law’s and their kids and wife’s do too.  Its such a gift…and particularly this year…it is my life line. To know that I have a family that will protect my husband and myself – even at expense to themselves if necessary – is proof that I am right to (as the bible says), “leave thy father and mother” and make my husbands family my own.

I have so much to be thankful for – beyond the simple and amazing comforts of life (health, home, clothes, heat, food).  The trials that i’ve seen this year have made that even more true.  Some days, lately, I feel like my heart is breaking from pain…and my head is going to explode with stress.  Times are tight both financially and emotionally.  So when I feel that way, i’m going to come read this blog and remember all the gifts in my life….and i’m going to pray.

I love you guys!

I saw that movie “the soloist” with Jen on Friday. It really showed me something that I don’t think it was trying to. I love my house. I do. I love it more when its clean (which it has been since Thursday so that helps) but regardless, I’m GRATEFUL to have it. I spend so much time thinking of my home as an albatross around my neck. We put so much money each and every month into this house (particularly now with the upgrades we are doing) and we have zero equity and its easy to feel trapped. But we HAVE A HOME. and its beautiful.

I also have been crying constantly about the loss in our life. Its so hurtful, even after 5 months. I, at this point, have no hope of resolution (or at least a realistic one) and it kills me. However, I so easily forget what is good in my life. Jen is a God send. She makes me laugh and tells me I AM a good person. The bookclub has become such a source of joy with me…those women. Angela, Shelly and Renee from church have been so much fun to hang out with. I worry about who Gary has….but I cant fix it. I’ve tried….so i’ll just have to be what Gary has.

You know, we are making it. even with the reduction in income for us, we are paying our bills…little by little. We cant do all that we want, but we are eating and loving each other and have a wonderful home. Our health is wonderful and so far we have managed to keep our heads above water…and i’m so grateful for that.

Today will be a good day. Today, I will work for me. Today, I will be strong and remember that whatever gifts I get are gifts from God.

xo,

Sara