Who knew?
I was discussing blogs with my friend Jen the other day. She always seems to have fun and interesting things to say. She never seems to flounder, as I do, with no real POINT. While I return and read my own blogs, i’m struck by a theme. Yes, i’m grateful. Yes, I love my husband and family. Yes, I love my friends. yada yada yada. Don’t get me wrong – these are all true statements. However, i’m a MUCH deeper person than that (said in the teen angst fashion) and capable of expressing that, I think.
This last year, after spending my twenty’s and early part of my thirty’s as a bookkeeper and cost accountant… I’ve made a huge decision to change careers. I have completed a CNA course that will, ideally, keep me employed while I continue on with my BSN. This from a woman who – up until a few months ago – couldn’t watch herself get a shot.
My thought process on this was rather bullet point – ish and really evolved as I learned more.
1st – Accounting is a stable profession. Similar to teaching. Or teaching accounting. What this translates into during our economic downturn is that everyone who was laid off from what they really wanted to do, were using their accounting / book keeping skills. That made it a very hard time to be a book keeper with no 4 year degree or CPA.
2nd – I ENJOY people, I really do. While I also enjoy numbers, with my last job I was able to help people! Sometimes that help came in the form of accomplishing tasks for people, sometimes holding tissues while a 6th grader had a bloody nose from HELL, or just being the shoulder to cry on…but I was HELPING. It felt really good to each day – no matter how crappy that day was – to be able to see small markers of where me being involved HELPED. Not that anyone was involved…but that I was. That my skills / feelings / person made a difference. No matter how awesome and accurate you make that excel spreadsheet – no matter how much your graphs “pop” (and believe you me, mine POP) I never went home feeling like I made someone feel better when I was a cost accountant.
3rd – I was able to take advantage of some Obama dollars (up to $2500) for some initial training. That would get me through the CNA courses while I decided where to go from there.
It was while in my CNA courses that I settled on Nursing. This wasn’t an easy call – as I’ve discovered that all my math and science credits expired 7 years after I took them. This means that i’m back in a lot of classes i’ve not only paid for already but I worked hard in them ONCE and now I’ll have to do it again. In addition to the classes, i’m also now back in school. Back in school where I am one of the oldest (if not THE oldest) person in my classes and i’m usually the FATTEST too!
I’ve never been shy, really. I’ve never had problems communicating with people or connecting to people…but this was different. As you grow older, as you have experiences, your taught that all these things move you in a forward motion. No one is naive enough to believe it will be a straight line…but forward moving none the less. Going back to school at 32, with 18 year olds, is not a forward moving motion, people. Unless…what if it is? What if life is really about making yourself happy? What if the forward moving motion in life is about learning rather than finishing? I don’t just mean learning in school, though that certainly something, but what if its learning about yourself? If I can grasp that concept…then I can realize that i’m always changing and I sure know my environment is always changing…so maybe what i’m doing isn’t backward. Or if it is…maybe I don’t care?
Sometimes I loose that concept in my mind…and walking into a new class with kids who aren’t sure if i’m the instructor or the student never gets easier…but i’m doing it. I’ve finished my CNA-1 course and i’m moving on to CNA-2 while continuing to get my pre-req’s for nursing done (AGAIN). I’m going to keep going…and i’ll be old by the time I get a nursing job. However, I’ll be old anyway. I know that i’d rather be old and enjoying going to work, feeling that because of me someones life is better, than be old and dragging my ass into work…just waiting until I can retire.
I doubt my path regularly but in hindsight, I have always done that. The difference is that this time, i’m doing something about it.
xo,
posted in Nursing, life, stress, work | 0 Comments
