Sara @ Moonrize

I was discussing blogs with my friend Jen the other day. She always seems to have fun and interesting things to say. She never seems to flounder, as I do, with no real POINT. While I return and read my own blogs, i’m struck by a theme. Yes, i’m grateful. Yes, I love my husband and family. Yes, I love my friends. yada yada yada. Don’t get me wrong – these are all true statements. However, i’m a MUCH deeper person than that (said in the teen angst fashion) and capable of expressing that, I think.

This last year, after spending my twenty’s and early part of my thirty’s as a bookkeeper and cost accountant… I’ve made a huge decision to change careers. I have completed a CNA course that will, ideally, keep me employed while I continue on with my BSN. This from a woman who – up until a few months ago – couldn’t watch herself get a shot.

My thought process on this was rather bullet point – ish and really evolved as I learned more.

1st – Accounting is a stable profession. Similar to teaching. Or teaching accounting. What this translates into during our economic downturn is that everyone who was laid off from what they really wanted to do, were using their accounting / book keeping skills. That made it a very hard time to be a book keeper with no 4 year degree or CPA.

2nd – I ENJOY people, I really do. While I also enjoy numbers, with my last job I was able to help people! Sometimes that help came in the form of accomplishing tasks for people, sometimes holding tissues while a 6th grader had a bloody nose from HELL, or just being the shoulder to cry on…but I was HELPING. It felt really good to each day – no matter how crappy that day was – to be able to see small markers of where me being involved HELPED. Not that anyone was involved…but that I was. That my skills / feelings / person made a difference.  No matter how awesome and accurate you make that excel spreadsheet – no matter how much your graphs “pop” (and believe you me, mine POP) I never went home feeling like I made someone feel better when I was a cost accountant.

3rd – I was able to take advantage of some Obama dollars (up to $2500) for some initial training. That would get me through the CNA courses while I decided where to go from there.

It was while in my CNA courses that I settled on Nursing. This wasn’t an easy call – as I’ve discovered that all my math and science credits expired 7 years after I took them. This means that i’m back in a lot of classes i’ve not only paid for already but I worked hard in them ONCE and now I’ll have to do it again. In addition to the classes, i’m also now back in school. Back in school where I am one of the oldest (if not THE oldest) person in my classes and i’m usually the FATTEST too!

I’ve never been shy, really. I’ve never had problems communicating with people or connecting to people…but this was different.  As you grow older, as you have experiences, your taught that all these things move you in a forward motion.  No one is naive enough to believe it will be a straight line…but forward moving none the less.  Going back to school at 32, with 18 year olds, is not a forward moving motion, people.  Unless…what if it is?  What if life is really about making yourself happy? What if the forward moving motion in life is about learning rather than finishing? I don’t just mean learning in school, though that certainly something, but what if its learning about yourself? If I can grasp that concept…then I can realize that i’m always changing and I sure know my environment is always changing…so maybe what i’m doing isn’t backward.  Or if it is…maybe I don’t care?

Sometimes I loose that concept in my mind…and walking into a new class with kids who aren’t sure if i’m the instructor or the student never gets easier…but i’m doing it.  I’ve finished my CNA-1 course and i’m moving on to CNA-2 while continuing to get my pre-req’s for nursing done (AGAIN).  I’m going to keep going…and i’ll be old by the time I get a nursing job.  However, I’ll be old anyway.  I know that i’d rather be old and enjoying going to work, feeling that because of me someones life is better, than be old and dragging my ass into work…just waiting until I can retire.

I doubt my path regularly but in hindsight, I have always done that.  The difference is that this time, i’m doing something about it.

xo,

Gary’s dad is not well.  He is going into renal failure (will most likely be on dialysis in the next 6-12 months). His mom is in her late 60’s and is still working with no real viable plan to stop working.  We have recognized that we will have to supplement their income (and have been prepared to do so for several years) but with our own debt, its not a very good idea to run two houses.  Our house has stairs, and they may not always be a good option for Dad.  So….we have made a decision to buy their house and combine households.

This is not a bad thing for us, as they have a much larger lot (though much smaller house) and there are more options for building extensions and such there.   Plus, our mortgage payment will be much smaller so we will be able to save and do the extensions with cash – which is huge. Until those extensions are done though, we will have 4 people in 1000 square feet of room.  That’s a little scary.

The decision came when we made a list of pro’s and con’s. It went something like this:

Pro – Mom can retire and look after Dad.

Pro – We can stay on top of Dad’s appointments and ADL’s – helping where needed.
Pro – We will owe way less on the 7th ave house than the Albertine house (saving money each month for repairs and add-ons).
Pro – We will be debt free (other than the house payment).
Pro – The parents might be able to relax and enjoy their final years.

Pro – The house has been in Gary’s family for decades and this is the only way to keep it.

Pro – There are a lot of options with the lot (unlike the Albertine street house).

Con – They smoke in the house and think we wont know.
Pro – They’ve promised not to do that once we start painting and cleaning.

Con – They will probably still do it when we are gone.

Con – It is an OLD house and we will have a lot of work to do.

Pro – We like doing that work.

Pro – We will have money to do it (debt free!).

CON – Until we convert the garage into a master suite (probably take a year at least) we will have 4 adults living in 1000 square feet of house!

PRO – We will be family, taking care of family.  That’s the way it should be. I love them so much and I want them to be able to count on us.

Con – When we have family in town (or friends) we wont have a place for them to stay for a while. This is a pretty big one for us.  Luckily we know about pricelining hotels but still….makes us sad. Having family and friends over is a huge thing for us. We love it.

Pro – Mom loves the dog. She calls Tiqi her Granddaughter.

Pro – We will be forced to “de-junk”. No one likes a horder.

After making the list, we saw that this is really the best option for us. We are anticipating moving in April – possibly May.  When we bought this house – the Albertine street one – we thought we were going to have a gaggle of kids and that doesn’t seem to be in the cards.  And really, we didn’t know enough about house shopping.  We were so excited that we qualified that we pretty much just ran with it.  I also think we were doing some “keeping up with the jones” and we don’t do that anymore.  It seemed most of our friends – our closest anyway – all had kids and were buying big beautiful new houses. So we did that too. It didn’t occur to us that we had a different life path.

If I had it to do over, I wouldn’t have bough a new structure on such a small lot. We might not have bought at all. We are different people than we thought we’d be by now – and I’m sure that’s a good thing. I don’t want to be those people….striving for material things that are bigger and better.   I don’t want to be judged on the size of my loft or the manicured back yard. I LIKE who we are now. I like that we are best friends who function as one. I like that our priorities are happiness and family.

I’m scared to let go of freedom.  We are making a commitment to our Parents that will last LOTS of years. And sometimes, people drive each other nuts. This decision has not been entered into lightly…but we both feel that its right.

So, pray for us, okay? a lot! and come to our many pending garage sales. We’ll be selling everything for a quarter!

xo,

Its been awhile since i’ve blogged.  So much has happen that I just dont have a lot of time to go into…i’ll wrap it up in my end of year blog, i’m sure.  Thanksgiving time always has me reflect on the gifts in my life.  Its harder this year than others…I’m dealing with a lot.

In all honesty – whatever other crap is going on – here are the things I know to be true.  And for them, I am extremely lucky and blessed.

1. I have a faith in God and Jesus.  Whatever happens in life….whatever tests or trials I face…I can rely on that faith.  Not everyone has that and I am grateful that I do because sometimes, its all that stops my mind from racing, my heart from beating out of my chest, and allows me to sleep. Sometimes…its more valuable than breathing.

2. I have a husband who would stop short of nothing to make me happy.  I know others THINK they have that, but my husband has proven it.  He has no faith that I am blessed with…but he follows God’s family plan and loves me like God loves the church.  He puts our family and me ahead of anything. He loves his family fiercely and will do anything to protect and provide. He is a man of honor and strength.  He also is a man of humor and kindness.  He makes me laugh and smile like no one i’ve ever met.  Nothing is real until i’ve shared it with him and my day isnt complete until we’ve connected.  I could not imagine my life without him.

3. My friends. wow. I have some amazing friends. Just like every other American, I go about life mostly concerned with myself.  My goal in life, from this point forth, is to be as good a friend as I have in my life.  I have trouble with the term “best friend” because i’ve got so many. I’ve had – particularly this last few months – more life changing trials than ever before.   I, when telling a select few of my trials, had friends offering to fly in from Michigan to support us.  Friends who would drive from Arizona if we needed. Friends and family that had to be physically stopped from packing the car in Medford to drive up for us.  I had friends that would cry with me, spend days listening to me with support, and spend hours on their knees praying for me.  In a time when I am 100% unsure of some of my biological family, I am 100% sure of my emotional family and my dear dear friends. From friends that have known me 2 years, to friends that have known me since 3rd grade…these people solidify my faith in my ability to trust and to love.
4. The family I trust.  You shouldn’t have to specify your family like that, right? To separate them.  Unfortunately, I have to.  I have a lot of biological family – and a good portion of them I trust and love so much.  The others, I love….but I cant trust them, with my family or my heart. I have some amazing brothers and sisters…unfortunately they all live far away. I’ve always grown up with family around me and I am missing them terribly but knowing they love unconditionally from afar is reassuring. Tonight – i’m so grateful for my in laws.  My Mother and Father in law consider me their daughter….with no hesitation.  My brother in-law’s and their kids and wife’s do too.  Its such a gift…and particularly this year…it is my life line. To know that I have a family that will protect my husband and myself – even at expense to themselves if necessary – is proof that I am right to (as the bible says), “leave thy father and mother” and make my husbands family my own.

I have so much to be thankful for – beyond the simple and amazing comforts of life (health, home, clothes, heat, food).  The trials that i’ve seen this year have made that even more true.  Some days, lately, I feel like my heart is breaking from pain…and my head is going to explode with stress.  Times are tight both financially and emotionally.  So when I feel that way, i’m going to come read this blog and remember all the gifts in my life….and i’m going to pray.

I love you guys!